Sleep, but Never Rest

Recording my dreams since 1998

04/17/2014: Lucid Dreams!

Normally, lucid dreams freak me out. I tend to panic when I find out that I’m dreaming and try to wake up, which puts me into a false awakening loop. This time, however, was actually fun and interesting.

First - Target Practice

First, I remember being outside of a couple of big white houses and there was a hilly yard with a few old trees a long the road. I was given a gun along with others in the dream. A “leader” character told another character to shoot some old lady through the window of the house. I was like, “Why??”

We walked over to the yard area and the house had large bay windows on the bottom floor looking down into a basement living room area where the old lady was watching a movie with her grandchildren. I kept saying that I wouldn’t even aim in that direction because I’m sure I’d hit the target. However, I REALLY wanted to shoot the gun. So I aimed the gun with my right hand only (normally, I’d use two hands) at a manhole cover in the middle of the yard. I fired the gun and it bounced off into the grass a little further up the yard.

Then, kids came outside and it became a birthday party. I wanted to shoot some kind of target and thought about shooting the balloons and balls the kids were playing with, but the kids were randomly running around and I didn’t want to hurt them.

Then, Searching for a Gun

I remember looking through old wooden cabinets and remember thinking they had something to do with my aunt - like she owned the place or something.

It reminded me of an unused part of an old college building where stuff would have been hastily stored and forgotten. I knew I was dreaming and thought the detail of the cabinets and the texture of the wooden nobs were pretty neat for a dream.

I went through the room opening cabinet after cabinet. They were filled with stacked white, decaying, paperback manuals or thick magazines. I don’t remember seeing labels and they appeared to have been there for a while, but weren’t heavily oxidized. There were nooks and crannies that appeared to be great places to hide the gun I was looking for, but they were empty. I was looking for a gun because I felt someone was after me and I needed a defense.

When I opened the bottom cabinets, I thought they might have people hiding in them, but there were just more white magazines. I thought my aunt was smart to do this to keep people from hiding there.

I also remember a ton of dust on everything. There was also white flaky stuff on the surfaces open to the air - possibly mold. There were sky lights near the ceiling in these rooms.

I walked out of the room and into another, making my way down a hallway. All the floors were wooden and squeaked and bent under my weight slightly when I walked.

I reached the last room. The windows were covered, so it was very dark. I entered the room and saw that I was across from something with a glass door because I could see my back lit reflection and the door slowly closing behind me. I also saw the light from the hallway dim as the door closed. I turned and stopped the door to keep the light coming into the room. I found that it was my weight on the floor causing the door to swing closed.

I woke up before completing the goal I had and was a little frustrated that I chose to do so.

Back to the yard party…

I remember going back to sleep and ending up at that yard party with the kids. This time, there were more adults. I was sitting with a group of people my age and there was a good looking guy standing to my right talking to some guy he knew to my left and that guy’s girlfriend (short hair, holding a beach ball) was standing next to him, only there because she’s his girlfriend.

I remember the good looking guy leading me and a few others in the group away from our position and…down a small crowded hallway. This didn’t seem weird for some reason despite the hallway being on an upper floor of an old college building.

He led us to a single dorm - or maybe it was a large office - in the building. The main room was cluttered and the size of my living room in waking life. There was a small bathroom attached in the back.

I remember being tired - possibly drunk - and I sat in a red(?) vinyl chair in the corner. I remember feeling that nice “I’m going to sleep so good if I fall asleep right now” feeling, which I have gotten when I was drunk in the past. However, I don’t remember drinking anything and rarely drink in waking life.

I closed my eyes and rolled to my right side, feeling really relaxed.

I vaguely remember some guy saying if we were going to be experimenting, we should shut the door and he shut it for us.

I heard the good looking guy in his bathroom washing his hands and “preparing” something. I heard him walk back into the room and interact with the others. I felt something cold on my left calf - I was wearing shorts - and I realized it was rubbing alcohol. I felt a needle go into my leg and liquid go into the muscle.

I opened my eyes and the good looking guy was taking off surgical gloves and a small vial(?) was still stuck in my leg. It had fluorescent green liquid in it. The others were standing, ready to leave. Some of them were rolling their sleeves back down.

The good looking guy opened the door and was about to lead us out, waiting for me. I pulled out the vial and put it on the table to my left. There was still some liquid in it and wondered if I was supposed to take it out. The good looking guy watched me do this an said that we can remove the vials (called something else) and to follow him.

Lucid Dream

I was the first one in the room. I was in a large room with dusty bookcases against the walls and a large doorway into another room. The rooms had hardwood flooring. I first looked at the table in the center of the room and knew I was dreaming, so I was REALLY impressed by the detail of it all. I said, “Ho-ly, fuck.” mostly to make the others laugh, but realized I had done that earlier in the dream - this was the second time I had been through this …simulation? However, it wasn’t as detailed the first time.

I remember systematically looking around the room trying to remember everything so I could write this now. I remember looking at a table with nick-nacks and I said, “How the hell am I supposed to remember all of this?? There are too many things - too many details.” I even tried to touch and name what I was seeing to remember it (ironically, I don’t remember what these things were now). The good looking guy told me to not try that hard - just to remember SOMETHING and to play around with the environment.

I remember touching a plaster(?) plant figurine and the leaf broke off. I turned toward the room where the good looking guy was looking at shelves with books, vinyl records, etc. I looked at the plaster leaf in my hand and willed it (aloud) to turn into a real leaf. Eventually, it did turn into an actual leaf. I was so happy I could do this, that I told the others to look at it. This made the good looking guy smirk as if he was stifling a larger smile or laugh.

I know there were WAY more scenes that happened with a serious amount of detail and the good looking guy was like a facilitator or guide throughout the scenes, but I can’t remember them.

What are YOU Doing Here?

I remember part of the dream where I was exploring and I walked outside into an area / walkway that was at least a story above a grassy yard to my left. I think there were evergreen trees in the distance. I was going to take the attached white painted wood steps to the ground, but at the bottom of the steps, some thin chick with long straight dirty blond hair stood there, looking at me angrily.

I was like, “Hello…?”

She started slowly climbing the stairs, approaching me as she spoke. She kept asking me why I was there, especially after what happened before or “last time.” I was trying to remember what she was talking about. I asked her what she was talking about and asked her, “I was here before???” and “What happened?”

Then, some slightly shorter girl with light brown hair come from behind me and stood in front of me to protect me. I think she was wearing a gray sweater with pushed up sleeves.

She told Girl #1 to leave me alone and that I didn’t know what was going on or something. I didn’t catch the entire conversation because I knew I was dreaming and thought, “REMEMBER SOMETHING!”

I looked to my right, and, although it was a story up, there was an old blue ’70s car. I thought, “This car is blue.” Parts of it was rusted and the paint was matte. One area had the paint rubbed off completely, but the metal underneath was polished into a nice chrome.

I looked around and to my right, there were brick apartment buildings with a brick walkway over a street that led to a parking lot. However, the bricks had a weird texture - like stucco - and the walkway appeared to sag where it wasn’t directly supported. I thought it looked like someone’s painting of a brick building.

As Girl #1 climbed the steps, Girl #2 stepped backward, forcing me backward.

At one point, Girl #2 asked the other if she expected her to just stand by like the other times to watch her toss me off the balcony like the others. She pointed out the points where Girl #1 had tossed others off.

I Wanted to Leave

So I focused and woke up.

I was laying on my right side and looked around the dark room. There was light coming in from the city through the windows…even the cool window near the ceiling. I thought…I’m pretty sure I don’t have a cool window like that.

I let my eyes adjust and there was a TV on a brown bookshelf at the foot of my bed. In the shelf. reflecting the window light, was a smiling Asian good-luck cat figurine with long legs. It was kinda creepy and I wondered why would I put something so creepy in my room? I started to think it wasn’t my room and I expected someone else to be in the bed, but there wasn’t. I found my car keys on the nightstand and locked my car doors with the fob. Instead of a honk outside, I heard a weird shuffling noise beside me on the floor.

Then I woke up for real.


Note: The good looking guy looked familiar, but I didn’t recognize him from waking life - he’s probably modeled after a random OU student or teacher.

Also, fluorescent green is the color that appears in my dreams that signals that I’m in a dream.

04/14/2014: Random

I remember having two small things in my left hand to give to someone and I had to go through a doorway. On the right side of the doorway was some guy with a cough. I tried to avoid him so I wouldn’t get sick, but had to step over plastic containers of a blue liquid - they looked like containers of windshield wiper fluid. I tripped and fell on a raised area, landing on my stomach. I remember thinking I was lucky because it would have hurt to hit the ground flat on.

In another dream, I remember walking up a dirt hill in a hilly place. The hills had lines from the different type of rock, but instead of straight lines like the ones I see on the way to work, it was a swirl pattern like a cinnamon roll.

I photoshopped this photo, but it was more like a full swirl, looked a little like the small storms on Jupiter…

04/13/2014: Apartment Building & Sleep Attack

Apartment Building

I dreamed that I was going to an apartment building I planned to move to in the dream. It was a large house with small apartments on one side and a common area on the other.

I remember having to walk through a gooey water-based substance to enter the front yard. I put my hand through it and it reminded me of the consistency of runny egg yoke. I closed my eyes and went through it.

It took me a while to decide to walk through it - I didn’t realize the tenants of the building were waiting in line behind me and I felt bad making them wait.

I remember looking around the building and didn’t like the amount of stairs I had to go up and down. There was stairs in the common area (which had maroon carpet) and steps outside from the porch to the yard. I remember disliking how one of the tenants smoked in the common area. I also remember a dachshund outside.

Sleep Attack

I have been having sleep attacks all week, this one, I remember a little bit of my dreams because I made it to my bed:

  • The name Walter
  • The name Michelle
  • The ceiling of an events center (Vet’s Memorial or the Expo Center) with a sign with the American flag on it. Someone was dressed like an old man with Where’s Waldo glasses

The rest of the time was in and out of sleep paralysis that I recognized, but wasn’t afraid of. I hallucinated/dreamed my printer printing a document during this state and questioned, while still asleep, if my printer was even turned on. I even dreamed yelling, “Hello?” thinking someone had broken into my apartment to use the printer. I was going to tell them to help themselves to whatever food I had (my weird way of responding to break-ins, thinking B&E criminals aren’t usually out to hurt people, just take things).

04/12/2014: Mocking Jay

I had another dream, but I forgot it for now.

The one I remember seemed real, but it was too similar to the “convo” I “heard” earlier this week. I was falling asleep on my left side again and heard birds over the road construction outside my window.

One whistled more clearly and didn’t sound like the other birds. Its whistle sounded like the mocking jay tune from the Hunger Games movie, but off by one note. I thought it was interesting. It repeated the tune, but correctly this time. I woke up to post a Facebook status about it and the bird, if real, stopped whistling.

Probably a dream.

04/11/2014: Trouble in DC

I don’t know what inspired this dream, but I remember living in Washington, D.C., working some federal job and my boss told me other workers and I had to leave the city. There was some sort of threat that was big enough that I had to go all the way to some place with palm trees and hills.

I remember telling my parents that I loved DC because it’s a nice city, but hated the fact I have to evacuate the city randomly because there are threats so often.

I remember a map of America with black stars over large cities with numbers. It represented agents that were updated earlier than other agents about threats, etc. I remember being told that the information I was given was given simultaneously to the black stars via some kind of technology that used satellites. 

There was another part of the dream where we had a weapon/tool that we could shoot at a bad guy on the run and it would grow this hot pink cotton candy looking stuff on them. It made it easier to find them in a green field and black pavement.

I also remember using codes to tell people meeting points - they’d be intersections of interstates or state routes and the code name would be a number between the two. The example I used was 33 for SR 32 & 34 and 41 for SR 32 & 50.

04/10/2014: Random

I remember a dream where I was dating Charlie* (this character has basically become a male main character in dreams) and he still lived at his parents’ house. This made it…awkward. But the awkwardness made the scenes humorous. 

Later, there was a scene where I was eating breakfast at the island in the kitchen after finding out I was pregnant. Charlie’s mom seemed to disapprove of this. I didn’t understand why - I mean, in the dream, I was 31 and had my finances under control. Charlie and I weren’t married, but in the dream, his brother had like, two kids outside of his marriage and they’re cool. It wasn’t like she disapproved of me, but the fact that I got pregnant. It was weird.

In another dream, I remember pulling/pushing a table with wheels out of a tall old school building into a playground/courtyard area that was paved and enclosed by a fence. Everything had a yellow tint as if I was watching it all with sunglasses on (I don’t wear sunglasses in waking life because I like things in REAL color).

I saw a game two people were playing, but since the ball falls on the ground as part of the game, I thought it was too much of a hassle. I went to a large table where five or so people (including Charlie and some shy tall guy with a mole on his cheek) were in a circle with red 3D-printed boxes in front of them. The boxes were the size of shoe boxes and had detail, but I didn’t look that closely at them.

Someone was explaining the rules when a guy came over struggling and screaming and fell to his knees. There was a cockroach on his face and many of us just watched as a closer group came over to help him. Charlie and the guy with the mole eventually went to lend some support, but most of us assumed it was a fear of bugs and nothing too dangerous. The guy with the bug was turning red and I thought it was from his struggle/fear. The guy with the mole found a thin, clear tube was wrapped around his neck and he thought he was trying to commit suicide.

He brought the tubing back to us, moving it around and said suicide is stupid and I was like, “why would you want to [kill yourself]?” but then we realized the girl who was standing between us had a boyfriend who killed himself with a similar tube only a week ago.

* Name has been changed.

Interesting video about altered states of consciousness. I have always found hypnotism and hallucinations interesting. I think I could easily be hypnotized.

04/08/2014: Divergent, Freaky Friday Reference?

So I kinda went on a reading binge last night and read most of Divergent by Veronica Roth. It’s a good, fast young adult novel and you should read it. It inspired some of my dreams last night.

I remember a part where I was in some blond guy’s apartment in the Dauntless compound/area and he was injured and couldn’t get out of bed. He and I disliked each other, almost hated each other. I don’t remember why. I remember thinking outside of his cruelty and meanness, he’d probably be a nice guy. Instead, he constantly decides to be a total asshole.

I remember him demanding I find his armor (like knight’s armor) and it turned into being a trophy-like thing that was about 1.5 feet tall. It was on a wall display with all of the other “armors” of the members my age. I thought I found his, but it was the most pristine one. The others appeared to have nicks and rusted areas and scratches at least. His was shiny and I questioned if he really fought as much as he claimed or if he just obsessively cleaned his armor and buffed out damage. Part way through looking for the armor, other members came over to help - they were indifferent to me, neither friends nor adversaries. I remember laughing and saying we should give them the one that looks like Brutus the Buckeye. They laughed and actually got two that had oval heads similar to the Ohio State mascot. I thought it was funny that they even knew who Brutus was.

Another part of the same dream, a member - again, nice, but indifferent toward me for the most part - was in some kind of distress pointing a gun at the other members in the dorm, who were all unarmed. They appeared to be waiting for an opportunity to tackle him and remove the gun, but he was so erratic, they stayed back, trying to talk him down. I sighed loudly when I entered the room and grabbed him by the collar and tried to drag him into another room to calm him down. I had done this before, but this time, he shoved off my arm. I looked back and he pointed the gun at my head. He said something I don’t remember, but I didn’t think he’d really shoot and the scene ended.


I also remember a strange dream about dating someone who looked like Charlie*. Somehow, we knew we were dreaming as he thought it would be interesting if we switched bodies Freaky Friday style. I was like, what? But started to “write” the dream.

I remember waking up in a clean, small bed and looking at the wall to my left that it was up against. Felt first like a bottom bunk of a bunk bed, but I think it changed into a twin bed. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, “That was a weird premise for a dream…” However, my self talk came out deeper - like a guy’s voice. I realized what was going on and noticed that my arms were Charlie’s arms. I got up and looked around the room. The first thing I noticed was his strength. It was easy to up and I remember picking up things easily, wishing it was that effortless for my female body.

The room had bare walls. I was like, “This can’t be right. There should be something on the walls - like something Star Wars or comic book or video game related. Something nerdy-heroic. Maybe weapons?” I tried picturing it, trying to change the dream, but they remained bare. I thought it was due to my waking life bedroom / apartment / office - all with bare walls.

I found two tall bookshelves on the wall opposite the bed. Again, I thought it was wrong. Even the smarter guys I know generally have shorter bookshelves or they are in the main room or office or they just have books laying around. I noticed light coming from behind the bookshelf on the right. Effortlessly, I moved the shelf over and found an old door. It was painted white and appeared to have gaps in the door frame letting bright sunlight through.

I’m generally curious about building layouts, so I HAD to see where the door went. I opened it and it led to the back of a medium-sized white-paneled house. I think I remember seeing a curled up hose on the wall. The sun was rising behind a line of trees in the distance and there was a farm field to my right. I remember the lawn having green grass.


In another dream, I remember pushing a cart of some sort over gravel. A girl in my group in cool steampunk clothing was walking ahead of my to my left two guys in our group were walking behind us talking. There were other people walking to and from our destination, which was some place to get “supplies.”

The other thing I remember is getting frustrated with my jacket and pants. My backpack was making my jacket and shirt ride up and my pants were falling down. This was happening in waking life all day because I’m trying to get in shape and my pants are big again, but in my dream, my stomach was showing a little and I was too stubborn to stop the group just to pull my shirt down.

* Name was changed.

Random Memory

So, it’s probably from a dream, but I’ve had memories of a moment over the last couple of years and it was only yesterday when I started to remember more of the scene.

I remember having a job interview. I checked the place out a day ahead of time.

The day of the interview, I remember parking in a parking lot that had a fence surrounding it. I had to walk across a service road past the fences to a brick building. It was late autumn, only brown leaves were on almost bare trees. The service road was dry despite the rain earlier in the day. The cracks in the pavement were patched. It was a breezy day.

I remember stepping over curb and up a step to enter a building.

I remember parts of the building - a small room with a beige door and a lever handle that lead to a brightly lit hallway with brown carpet. I took the stairs - the elevator was under construction.

I remember a lot of cubicles and a “copy” or “printer” area. There were windows in the corner. There were office file cabinets everywhere and the files had brightly colored tabs.

I also remember wearing a skirt, panty hose, and a blazer. I remember my dress shoes buckled outward in the center as I walked.


I tried finding this location in real life, but it wasn’t where I thought it was.

I don’t remember when I dreamed it, it was more like a flashback, but I know it didn’t happen because I remember all of my job interviews.

04/03/2014: Dancing

I remember watching people perform a choreographed dance routine. I was in the next group and the leader told me I had to be the “mother,” which was a character who was pregnant. I had to put on a fake pregnancy suit and I planned to make it bounce around and do some kind of improv comedy during our routine..

We had to go to the dressing room and I went back to a room we were in earlier, proud I was able to find it because I’m good with building layouts. However, the rooms were empty. I found someone who told me where the other dressing rooms were.

When I got there, people were peeling bananas, potatoes, and other fruit. I wondered how they were going to learn a dance routine in a half hour.